Tuesday, June 19, 2007

i do love technology...

posting from work at 7:45pm because i'm a large idiot who left his keys in the apt, locking himself out. I'm not on the lease (or the key card, which i didnt know existed, but need to get on) so they won't let me in. which is good. they shouldn't be letting me in. My cellphone is dead (why they don't make cellphones that turn off 5 minutes before their batteris die so you can still get some emergence use out of them, like getting a number from your contacts? i would love this feature). My roommates out of town until thursday.

20 years ago (ok, maybe 25-30) I'd be fucked. i dont know where my roommate works, so i can't get in touch with him through his company. (I actually dont even have his cellphone number on my phone i will after this experience, howewver). With no real way to contact him, i'd be stuck waiting it out til he got back thurs and could let me in.

As it is, i have his cellphone number in a gmail conversation. all i need is internet access and i can get at it. luckily, all of my friends have internet access (altough i wound up going back to the office since i couldnt get in touch with them). with it i've already reached my roommate who will hopefully be able to find a fax machine at the airport in seattle, otherwise i'll have to crash somewhere and be let in tomorrow.

so yay for the internet. and boo for me being stupid.


subadei said...

Why cellphones aren't nuclear powered, what with our fancy submarines and aircraft carriers enjoying such, is beyond me and very likely you as well. I mean, if huge naval vessels and smoke detectors can pack radioactive isotopes than why not cell phones?

To address your dicey situation further:

To quote Sun Tzu: "Know your Roommate." In essence, you should know your roommate.

To quote Musashi: "Small people must be completely familiar with the spirit of large people, and large people must be familiar with the spirit of small people." In essence, large people are large, small people are, accordingly, small and neither have a fucking clue about the other. But they should and Musashi was a bit pissed they didn't. This has no bearing on roommates but is, regardless, valuable information when considering the complex relationships between large people and small people during the period of late feudal Japan.

Regarding your potential homelessness:
First, homelessness has entirely too many occasions of the letter "s." As a comp lit master I suspect you'll contact the requisite leadership and correct this tragic exploitation of an otherwise innocent and useful consonant. Between Wheel of Fortune and homelessness, "s" is stretched a bit thin.

Second: I'd suggest seeking out your nearest "Burger Kind" (as I suspect this is some sort of shelter for abused or neglected burgers) and do a great deal of weeping. Weeping is good because, as anyone knows, a weeping burger is a vulnerable burger.

You, of course, are not even slightly a burger and so consider purchasing a package of cheese so that you might develop a physical alias along the lines of the classically abused and certainly neglected cheeseburger. In buying, I'd steer clear of the Velveeta as nobody in their right mind would consider Velveeta a form of cheese much less attempt to affect the illusion of abused cheeseburger with a one pound block of vegetable oil atop their head. Go for the cheddar slices. They both confuse diner waitresses and will likely entice those that host Burger Kind.

Best of luck!

Pat said...

your advice and wisdom has bolstered me in my time of need, and for this i thank you.

Adrian said...

To quote Clausewitz (badly, from memory): "In war, everything important is simple, but the simplest thing is very hard. In this it is like walking through water." Clearly, remembering your key is important. Equally as clear is the fact that it is very hard.

As for cheese, I recommend gruyere.

subadei said...


so how did the ordeal turn out?